Spare the Rod: Getting Fired is Not Easy

by Timothy Cataldo

Getting fired is not as easy as you think, dear readers. But I’ll let you decide how to meet this challenge if it ever happens to you.

I’ll tell you how I did it.

For the past year or so, I’ve been teaching at the local middle school–it’s just a short walk from my house. I wanted to bring my wit and wisdom to bear, mold impressionable young minds, make a difference, and pave the way to a brighter future for our youth.

I’m kidding. 

I just wanted to see what it was like, to take the temperature, as it were, of what is essentially an inner-city school. Yeah, it’s Newport, but everyone with any means sends their kids to private school. Sure, those same people will attend the black-tie fundraisers and donate money and virtue signal, but they wouldn’t—it’s too boring to continue that thought–you know what I mean.

When I get into the classroom, I tell the students three things:

1. There is no talking in this classroom. But I encourage you to participate. If you have something to say, raise your hand, and I’ll call on you. Address me by my name, Mr. C, and ask your question. Be sure to use a magic word.

2. Sit with your legs under your desk, feet on the floor, and face forward.

3. If anyone fails to follow the rules, disrupts the class, or interferes with my ability to do my job, they’ll be required to explain their actions to the dean. You’ll get three strikes, and then you’re out.

Of course, the kids test me from the get-go and see how much they can get away with. But if they persist and strike out, I send them down to the office. I stopped arguing with minor children in about 1989.

Everyone is watching to see what I’ll do, whether I’m as good as my word. Once the troublemakers are gone, I find the classes fun and the students curious and engaging. I’ve enjoyed teaching there enormously.

Today, I had a particularly difficult class – I’m sometimes amazed at the almost unbelievable level of disrespect these kids think they can get away with because they have always done so without repercussions or consequences. I gave two of the worst disrupters their at-bats and then sent them down to the office. 

A little while later, a third recalcitrant told me he wouldn’t play my game. I told him that he could play whatever game he wanted on the other side of that door, but he would play mine in my classroom. He told me no and just walked out. 

I continued teaching the class and received a call from the office five minutes later, informing me that the principal wanted to see me after school. Almost sixty years later, getting called down to the principal’s office once again made me laugh!

Very well dressed, a doctor of some sort. A picture of the Vice President hangs over his desk. Sat me down. He told me that Dean M. was concerned about all the students I had sent to him today – they had all complained that I was too strict. I told Dr. B. my rules, which are essentially common courtesy, respect, and the right way to treat anyone, aren’t they?

He told me in no uncertain terms that they were right–they meant the children—and that I wouldn’t be invited back.

Really?

Yes.

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