Mastering Communication: The Art of Listening and Influence

What does it mean to be a “master” communicator? Why is communication sometimes tricky, even though it’s something we’ve practiced since we were babies? How can we naturally influence others more effectively?

In today’s world, we often face information overload and fatigue from constant communication and media we have 24/7 access to. Those who are the loudest and transmit the longest messages are typically the ones we view as being “heard,” but they do not create the most significant personal impact. To truly have someone listen to you and influence them in ways that matter requires mastery. True mastery in communication comes from being precise, concise, and impactful with as few words as possible. The secret to being a master communicator is to say less, not more. It’s not in being the loudest; it’s being balanced and being as loud as the situation requires, which often means being quiet. The key is to listen more and focus on being genuinely interested in others rather than trying to be interested in yourself.

I have served in the Army for 27 years. I am currently in the last three months of my career before transitioning to civilian life. Something I have always taken pride in as a military leader is my commitment to conducting thorough developmental counseling with those under my command. It’s something I’ve always believed I excelled at and felt proud of- until the day I learned that I sucked at it.

Once upon a time, I was a Team Sergeant on a Special Forces Operational Detachment Alpha. I had a counseling session scheduled in a few days with one of my soldiers. I spent two hours preparing for the session to ensure I gave him proper feedback for his success. I crafted a four-page document detailing my thoughts.

We sat down, and I covered the entire document before sharing some long-winded personal insights and stories. The session lasted about an hour and a half. When I finished, I asked if he had any questions. He replied, “I don’t have any questions, but I have input and feedback of my own.” I was surprised and said, “Oh? All right, what do you have?” He then outlined all the areas where he felt the team was struggling and where I was falling short in my duties. He didn’t express this combative or negatively; everything he said contained some truth. As he wrapped up, I realized I had been talking for an hour and a half, and at no point had I opened the conversation up to him before the very end. I had a tendency to transmit rather than receive. In my mind, I had convinced myself that I was an effective communicator because of the time I dedicated to preparing and detailing my message. I could articulate the message well, but that didn’t make me a good communicator. I should have focused on formulating the right questions to ask and dedicated most of my time during counseling sessions to listening rather than speaking. Just because you can say a lot of words and have the endurance to maintain a constant stream of them for a long time doesn’t equate to being a good communicator. It just means you are good at talking. From that day on, that’s exactly what I did. I ended up leaving each counseling session and learning more about the person, myself, and the team than ever before.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” — Epictetus

We recently sat down with Joe McCormack at the Brief Lab in Southern Pines, NC. Joe is the owner/founder of the Brief lab and has authored three books: Brief, Noise, and Quiet Work. His company works closely with U.S. Special Operations Forces to ensure they are the best communicators in the world.  Our most recent Objective Arete Podcast Episode captures part of our conversations with him. You can listen to that episode Here.

The Brief Lab’s tagline is “Make a bigger impact by saying less.” When you open his first book entitled Brief, you find the following sentence: “When we fail to be clear and concise, the consequences can be brutal: wasted time, money and resources; decisions made in confusion; worthy ideas rejected; people sent off in the wrong direction; done deals that always seem to stall.” (Brief, pg. xvii, 2014).

Joe often uses a line: “Spend less time trying to be interesting and more time being interested in people.” I didn’t learn this until far later than I should have in life, but it’s so powerful. There is a saying by Teddy Roosevelt that goes, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Shutting your mouth and listening to others is a straightforward way to build trust. If people feel you are genuinely interested in them and their opinions, they will be likely to trust you and share them with you.

Listening also places the person being listened to in a better emotional state. This means they will generally be more receptive to what you say when you say something. People who trust you are more willing to accept new ideas and change their current viewpoints when you present them in a way that allows collaboration and discussion.

Another great book on becoming a better communicator is How to Talk to Anyone by Patrick King. King discusses the one-minute traffic light rule concerning communication. He explains that if you tend to ramble, you have about one minute to make your point before the conversation needs to flow again. His theory is that the light is green during the first thirty seconds, and you have the other person’s attention. The light turns yellow in the next thirty seconds, and attention starts to wane. After a minute, the light turns red, and the person drifts. I have found this a helpful general rule to follow during conversations because I tend to ramble. It helps as an internal check to ensure I don’t fall into my natural tendency of transmitting.

So, what can you do to enhance your communication skills? Someone whom people listen to and trust?

It begins with self-awareness and understanding your tendencies. Our egos often obstruct our ability to see ourselves honestly. At Objective Arete, we utilize four primary domains that facilitate Mike Lerario’s Fulcrum Centric mode. We believe it is essential to be aware of your tendencies in the areas of communication (talker vs. listener), adaptability (rigid vs. flexible), focus (selfless vs. selfish), and influence (micromanaging vs. decentralized). Understanding your tendencies helps you evaluate situations more effectively and adjust to maintain balance, enabling you to provide the best solution in each circumstance relative to the conditions.

When balancing communication, sometimes the answer is to transmit only. At other times, the answer is to listen only. Generally, the right answer falls in between, and you can only know what it is if you know yourself and take the time to understand the situation and your audience.

A great line from Joe in our most recent podcast is this:

“ It turns out that one of the most underrated skills in communication is listening. Being interested makes you interesting because so many people spend all their time talking and not enough time listening. If I’m interested, I learn about you, what motivates you, and what you care about. And, as everyone says, it’s all about your audience when you’re in this performance. You say, well, I don’t know what my audience wants because I’m too busy performing for them.”

This all sounds easy, but it’s tough, and on top of that, it’s highly perishable. Communication, like any learned skill, will decline in proficiency if you do not intentionally practice it. Mastering communication is challenging, and it becomes even harder to maintain proficiency once you have honed your skills. You need to dedicate time to studying books like Brief, How to Talk to Anyone, or  Talk Like Ted by Carmine Gallo. However, book knowledge is never enough. As you discover new ways to communicate better, you must dedicate time to actively practicing those techniques.

Communication is a skill we learn when we are very young. It’s something most of us feel we are quite good at. The reality is that all of us can work on becoming better communicators, and none of us are probably as great at it as we believe ourselves to be. I challenge you to explore different perspectives on the art of communication and experiment with those techniques. Strive to listen more and demonstrate interest rather than attempting to be interesting. Remember the one-minute traffic light rule of communication. Carve out time to actively practice being a better communicator and understand that it’s just as perishable as any other skill in life. Be brilliant, be brief, be interested, and be an influential force of nature in life.

Listen to our podcast with Joe! Here! – All other podcast outlets can be found on our home page. and Linktree.

Check out Joe’s books here.

Check out the Brief Lab here.

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Chuck Ritter is a retiring Army Special Forces sergeant major stationed at Fort Bragg, NC. He is set to retire in 2025. He is a co-founder of Objective Arete LLC, a veteran-owned self-development company. Chuck previously co-hosted/produced the Pineland Underground Podcast and serves on the Board of Directors for the Dreams 4 All Foundation.

He has been awarded the Silver Star Medal, Bronze Star for Valor, Army Commendation Medal for Valor, three Purple Heart Medals, the Triple E Valor and Courage award, and most importantly, the NDSM and Air Assault Badge.

He is attending Norwich University, completing a B.S. in Strategic Studies and Defense Analysis. In 2025, he will apply to the Duke University MBA program.

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